Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
