do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
