In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
