garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
