Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
