it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
