I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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