I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
