okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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