I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
