She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
