FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
