Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
