i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
