I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My feet surprised me
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