I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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