Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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