none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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