so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
