Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
