I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
this is an emotional support booty call
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
