He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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