toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
