More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize