nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
