Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
