The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i think i just lost a toe
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
