Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
