so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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