The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
