i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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