too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
