I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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