remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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