Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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