Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
