I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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