Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
