just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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