Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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