I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
