I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
