Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
