I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize