I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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