Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
