What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
