your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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