Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
