Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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