Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
