last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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