He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
