that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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