Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
