your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
