I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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