How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
