I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just gargled with NyQuil
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
