My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
is that a dick in a sweater?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
