I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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