dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
