I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
