I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
