I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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