1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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