Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
