Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
