3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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