The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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