yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
