Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
